1. When the air raid sirens go off, you know that it’s not the beginning of Word War III, rather it is 12 pm on the first Wednesday of the month, which is when they test them.
2. When a guys approaches you in a bar and asks if you want to play “baby foot” you do not slap him in the face. He just wants a game of Foosball.
3. At the bakery, you know to order your baguette as “un trad” (traditional) and “moins cuit” (less cooked) or else it will turn into a rock with a razor on top of it within two hours.
4. When you find the website www.girlsinparis.com in your husband’s browser history, you don’t accuse him of ordering a call girl, but know that he has bought you some fashionable lingerie. You hope.
5. You know to say Bonjour, Bon Weekend, Bon Fin de Weekend, Bonsoir, Bon Continuation, to everyone (shopkeeper, ticket seller at the Metro etc.) upon entering or exiting the premises and before asking a question, or experience their wrath.
6. You are totally used to the line-dried crunchy towels. It’s like a towel and a loofah all in one!
7. You like to go jogging at the park. In Chanel sunglasses and full face of makeup.
8. You know that when you are told you will have an answer in “quinze jours” (15 days) it means three weeks. Weekends don’t count.
9. You are 45 years old and you ride a child’s fold-up scooter to work. In 4-inch heels.
10. You know that when someone says “J’arrive” (I’m arriving) it actually means they are leaving, but that they will come back.
11. You go to “MacDo” (McDonalds) on a date and order your meal in courses, starting with French fries and ending with a salad.
12. You wake up to go to work, put on bright red lipstick, tons of perfume, stockings and heels but don’t brush your hair.
13. You are completely used to random numbers, like a meeting set for 2:05, or TV shows that start at 6:20, church bells that ring at 8:32, or a blog list that goes to 13.